her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
