I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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