it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
