You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
