Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
