dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
