this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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