The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
