Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
