you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well I just put wine in my tea
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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