I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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