if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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