I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
