If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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