is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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