Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
