There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
