Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
