I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
