I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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