its not stalking. its research.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
