She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
