omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
