i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
