By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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