Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
