I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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