woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
