The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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