dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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