This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
