why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize