Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
