haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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