True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it because I queefed?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's a Shit stain on my heart
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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