I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
