My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
