I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
