How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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