I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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