I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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