If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
