I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
