I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
