so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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