She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
