Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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