Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
