Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
