Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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