I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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