Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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