Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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