put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
