People with herpes should wear stickers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
