I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize