what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
