so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
