If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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