At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
