I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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