I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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