So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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