Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
