um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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