Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I could fuck to npr.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
