you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
